When I started at my elementary school, one table, with one girl and two boys, got into an argument. It took me about only a minute to realize how much more kids KNOW about things.
When the teacher asked how Thanksgiving or the weekend went, the children piped up with their events. "On Sunday I went to church," said Kelley*, a girl who was new to the school, "and we talked about God--"
"You're not supposed to say that word, God," said Joseph*, "'cause that's a bad word--"
"Yes I can!" Kelley exclaimed.
"It's not a bad word," I said quickly. "It's...a name. Special. And what did you do, Joseph?"
"We went shopping--"
"You're supposed to go to church on Sunday," Kelley said with parental authority, "because he sent Jesus to die for us!"
"Who's that?" asked a third boy. Kelley and Joseph started to argue, and I tried to settle it without bruising feelings. All I could do was tell Kelley that it was interesting she went to church, and that it was ok for other people do other things on Sundays, too.
Later on, somehow it got out that Kelley, who was still considered the 'new girl' after three months, liked everyone. My impression is that she likes everyone because young kids like everyone. Joseph and the boys made gagging and teasing noises at her, which she answered with a glare. Then the taunt came out. "Kelley likes everyone! She's a lesbian!"
Hold your horses, what!!
The only thing I could say to that was that "Kelley probably means she likes everyone in a friendly way." Inside I was banging my head. How should I address this?
If any of my kids used racist or sexist language, I would have had a quick Talk with those two.
I AM pretty sure that it's not the loaded, homophobic violence these kids are using when talking to each other. Yet, it does have to be addressed, before put-downs like these become, as Vivan Paley wrote in You Can't Say You Can't Play, "habits of exclusion". Let's not let gay or lesbian become a category of fear.
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